so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
