bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
