Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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