party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
