what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
