Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
