and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
