Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
