His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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