You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
