Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
