Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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