I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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