I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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