EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
