it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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