Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
