I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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