A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you made out with another girl for some wings
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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