last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
