So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
