She's JV to your varsity
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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