it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
