I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i think i scared a bird with my dick
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Can you bring me the toilet please
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
