he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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