Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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