I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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