Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
