It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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