I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
