i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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