I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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