Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
