The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
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