Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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