I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
