i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
