Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
