bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
