ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The air was thick with penises
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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