There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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