they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
