I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
