i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
