Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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