just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
