2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
