Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
