im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
