i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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