We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just pee around me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
