and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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