Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
